observations

This week in my world

It’s been a busy one, I had planned on posting midweek but I was just far too tired to string a sentence, without trying to put together words that made sense for a post on here.

Monday and Tuesday I was working hard. I’m still trying to settle in to my new job and I’m getting really tired while I get used to the really early starts. I’m no early bird unless I’m off on holiday and I promise you, this place isn’t a holiday. I definitely know I’ve earned my wages by the end of the day.

I struggled the rest of the week getting up. I’m more of a late person than and early one and my body clock has been really thrown.

My Dad is back in hospital. His surgery several weeks ago was successful but since then there’s been a lot of pain and fevers and more than one infection.

My newest nephew currently does not have a name, and as of yet I haven’t met him. That’s life, his parents are busy and tired and I’m quite a way away and don’t drive, and I’m busy and tired for my own reasons.

In happy news, train tickets for the September holiday have been paid for and delivered and the campsite has been booked and the deposit paid. Paul and I are most definitely going away this year. We are taking out bikes so we will be able to get farther afield than we have done previously, and with less need for buses.

We travel on the Riviera Sleeper and it may sound silly but it means the holiday starts as soon as we get on the train in London. Last time we went, we were so excited we barely slept, this time I sincerely hope it’s a better night’s sleep. We are cycling from Penzance to Sennen Cove once we get off the train. That’s quite a bike ride on not much sleep!

For today, I’m doing a little housework, a bit of laundry and getting rested. I’m hoping to go to church tomorrow, I’ve not managed to get there for several weeks and that annoys and bothers me in equal measure. I miss seeing the people I fellowship with.

Take care one and all 🙂

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Categories: Life, observations, Plans, Travel | Leave a comment

With Deepest Sympathy

I can’t blog about what I have done this week without acknowledging the horrors of 13th November in Paris.

I’m angry over the fact that terrorists can take a faith and twist it so that they truly believe their violence has Divine approval. It does not.

Today I have candles burning in several windows as my personal sign that only light can drive out darkness and only love can destroy hatred.

I have faith in God, and as such I pray that the authorities do come up with an effective plan to stop this senseless violence once and for all.

To Paris, with love and tears and prayers, from Me xx

Categories: Fear, Hope, Life, observations, Rants | Leave a comment

The best laid plans and all that

It’s been an awkward week. I’ve been struggling for sometime with a couple of health issues and one of them decided to really kick off this week.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time thinking of projects and how feasible each one might be currently, and then yesterday I was late to work. I ended up sitting in the kitchen unable to function, felled by the mother of several migraines. There’s nothing quite like swallowing painkillers, waiting for them to work and then realising that nothing is going to happen because nothing is controlling the pain. I was taken home and spent the next 14 hours mostly sleeping.

When I did finally wake up this morning I seemed to be pain free, so after a gentle start I got dressed, collected my bags and went shopping for glassware for my next two cooking projects, and the bits that got missed off the main shop. Half way through I realised that actually I was not fit for this and had to forget about half of what I’d planned.

When I finally got home and was able to sit still I picked up my knitting. I’m making a shawl. Not a lacy one (I’ve made several of those), this one is a very simple shape and should be ideal for keeping the cold off my throat and chest on the way to work over the next few months. I’ll talk more about it tomorrow, and there should be a picture because it’s almost finished.

For now, good night. More tomorrow!

Categories: Life, observations, Plans, Shopping | Leave a comment

Tomato relish to a bass beat

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I have been making tomato relish on and off for years. I picked up my recipe from a friend who is now very elderly. I’m a bit funny about textures so I usually end up blending the finished product to a smooth ketchup texture and eating it that way.

I’ve got six old fashioned bottles from IKEA. The sort that have the stopper attached with a wire contraption around the neck. According to my dad its the same design as the post war lemonade bottles. I like them a lot, they seal well and look good, so as far as I’m concerned, if it aint broke don’t fix it!

I used to complain lots about my previous upstairs neighbour playing music loudly. My friends and family would chuckle into their cups of tea about my shouting about “M and her plastic pop” on a regular basis. If anything my new neighbours play music more often, and its much more bass and rap (rap being a genre I have made no secret about really disliking) but the attitude of these people is vastly different to “M”. She was rude to everyone and didn’t care who she offended in the least. To be honest I think she had alienated so many people I don’t think she had many friends. These people just appear to live life. They like music but just live their lives, and I’m pretty sure that if I were to meet them they’d be really friendly.

So yes, Today I’m boiling up the ingredients for tomato relish/ketchup to some very bass-y music courtesy of upstairs. It’s all good fun. The flat also reeks of vinegar and the tall one has complained and shut his bedroom door!

Final note, as I’ve been blogging and boiling, I have got my six bottles of ketchup. it all looks fantastic and it’ll be ready to eat in a few weeks.

Categories: Food, Life, observations | Leave a comment

A dream ends, but no regrets

Many moons ago I started this blog on another site and titled it “Raecheybaby’s Allotment” I was going to grow all sorts of things and I waited some years to get the chance to do that.

Finally last year that chance came and I bought tools and seeds and began to make a start. Unfortunately one of the key things to have when you are allotmenteering is a passion for growing things; and uniquely in my family I don’t have it. I think my family were good to let me try and wise to not help as much as I would have liked.

As is often the way with me I was felled by a combination of low mood, busy life and viruses, and so i didn’t/couldn’t attend to the allotment as I should have. The people who keep an eye on the plots to see that they are being cultivated and looked after decided that I wasn’t looking after it properly and advised me to hand back my gate key. Silently I agreed that keeping an allotment was really not for me.

I’m on the waiting list for a smaller plot but I suspect that when my turn rolls around again I shall decline and someone else can have the opportunity.

I think I had to try, because I have heard time and again that the thing most people regret in later life is what they didn’t attempt, and I wanted to be able to look back and say that I tried and realised it wasn’t for me. If I hadn’t, I’d probably have spent the rest of my life wondering if it could have been for me.

No regrets. I tried. Growing veg isn’t my shtick, much as I’d like it to be, but there are plenty of other things that I do that I am good at. I shall keep doing them.

Categories: Allotment, Life, observations | 1 Comment

Something to ponder on

I’ve been generally trying to get on with life lately. It hasn’t always been easy.

One thing recently has stood out for me and has been a lesson that’s taken some learning.

“There are many things in life that are beyond your control. Your attitude is not one of them”

It was said to me when I was in a very slightly odd mood. I wasn’t feeling malicious as such, but I was being mean to someone and it wasn’t needful. Having had it pointed out to me, I realised it was a very good point and have spent time since assessing my attitude to quite a lot of things.

It’s not galling so much as humbling. Being reminded that I’m no better than anyone else and that I can afford to be a lot more gracious than I have been to a great many people.

I pray that I’ll not forget the lesson.

Categories: Life, observations | Leave a comment

RAW 2012: of muddy knees and great days

Yes.

My final RAW event has happened and passed. It was good.

There were the trials of pitching a tent in the rain and trying to dry out and warm up, of sorting transport on a daily basis having arrived on foot, growing more tired as the broken nights got cold.

Then there were the amazing moments like finding that someone was willing to help and cheerfully doing so in the face of my tired and frustrated grumpiness.

The meetings were inspirational, truths that I thought I’d learned years ago becoming new and vibrant again.

RAW outdoors was fun, out in the city centre both days, singing, testifying, dancing, handing out sweets, bungee run, all sort of fun things to to that make everyone smile.

But this is it, I can’t report on next years’ RAW event as I’ll be too old to attend. I’ve been putting in some thought on this and that fact is actually not a bad thing.

We never stop learning through our lives, and RAW is for a specific age group. Its now time for me to go on and learn new things and build on what I learned before. Nursery is fun but you don’t learn to read there, that’s for the next stage, primary school; and at primary school you don’t learn complex maths, that’s for secondary school. In other words, I learned a lot in JGen, but I have to move on now as there is work to do with what I learned and more to learn yet.

So even while I wipe my tears at the end of an era, I’m already looking to see what’s coming next.

Here Goes!

Categories: Church Event, Hope, observations | Leave a comment

Staying safe.

I’ve done a lot of staying safe in the last seven years.

It probably didn’t look like it; not many women go camping alone, but that was one of the things I’ve done to stay safe. It may have looked brave. It may have even looked foolhardy, but for me it is and always was the safe thing to do.

Choosing to be alone after an abusive marriage; and then having finally found a good man, losing him very suddenly is a safe thing to do. I can’t get hurt if I don’t let anyone close enough to hurt me. Believe it or not, I’m referring to all relationships, not just men. I have caught myself letting no one close.

I do love people, but time and time again I have suddenly noticed that I look for faults, for a reason to stand back a bit. Anything to protect me from human nature.

Its a safe way to live, I can’t get hurt. I’m always the one who stands back first. And yet I do get hurt, because great friendships don’t happen unless you expose yourself to the chance that you might lose all and get really hurt again. Its a gamble, and it has to be taken. People say that I talk a lot. It’s true, I can take the back leg off a donkey with my chatter, but I’m quite good at saying a lot of nothing.

I’ve been musing on this a while now, and its becoming more clear by the day. I have to take the plunge, let people close, take the risk. I have to tell people whats going on and let them care. It comes with risks. I could lose friends, but then again, I could gain even closer friends than before. There is the risk that I might find it’s possible to like myself again.

I’d ask people to be gentle with me if I start telling you things I’ve never said before; but actually I’d prefer honesty. Being gentle implies that you might not tell me the truth if you think it might hurt me. The thing is, I found out by the age of seven that life is rarely fair to anyone. So tell me the truth and if it hurts, it hurts. Take the risk, it might not hurt and you might not scare me!

I’m not promising that I’ll never camp solo again. I do actually enjoy it a lot, but at the same time this year will be the second year that I’ve gone camping with someone in tow. So there you have it. If I want solitude I’ll go alone and if I don’t, I’ll take a friend or five.

Right. Its Dave’s birthday and it’s sunny so I’m off out for a walk with my sunglasses (and my hiking pole since I’m achy today) Happy BIG Birthday to you Dave!

Categories: Fear, Life, observations | 1 Comment

Dear Dan

You know as well as I do why I feel compelled to write to you today. Simply put, I miss you.

I’m talking about you to CRUSE now. I wasn’t processing things at all. I went into shock when your dad rang me and didn’t cry for several days. Now it seems I still cry quite a lot but I remember far more readily the times we spent together.

I’ve learned in the last two years that I’m stronger than I thought I was, that the human heart can heal but that the memories never go. We went to all sorts of places; I still have the Castle Howard book you bought me, but what I remember most happily are the Sunday mornings on the river bank chatting in the sunshine watching the tide.

Going to Cornwall with you was fun, seeing it together. I still go, but I have returned to the campsite I used to visit before. I’m still sad that I could never have taken you there due to the cliffs.

I’ve done quite a lot in two years. I still blog of course, although not as often as I would like. I got a job in a nursing home, found it too stressful and got another as a domestic assistant which is less stressful and more fulfilling. I moved to Warwickshire. I started going for walks along the canal, it reminds me of the river. I need to do a bit more of that – I gained a lot of weight and need to lose it fairly quickly!

I hope you’re proud of me, I want you to be.

I don’t mind confessing that there are days when I desperately want to ring you up and talk through a stressy situation. I still have your number in my phone.

Some of the ladies you met through me have been incredibly supportive in the time (thought I’d better refer to them in case they shoot me…) and I’ve been brave and gone out and made other friends too.

All in all Dan, I do miss you. That will never change. I wanted to let you know that while the road is sometimes bumpy, I’m still walking along it and discovering what life has in store for me now. Thank you for being such a big part of my life, I couldn’t be who I am now if it wasn’t for you.

All my love.

X

Categories: Dan, Life, observations | 1 Comment

The slowness of the Post-Christmas three days

I’ve been feeling bogged down by this virus today, to my shame I only just managed to get dressed before my groceries arrived. But I have eaten and rested and done some sorting out and planning and I think I’ve managed to retrieve the day. I’ve even found my bike lights, ready for a trip later this week… out on the bike where they’ve been for the last six months – oops!

I can report that yesterday I went out on the Kings House Annual Christmas Outing, which was delayed due to Christmas day falling on Sunday and lots of people having things to do on Monday. There were quite a few of us and we went to Arrow Valley Lake. It was enjoyable although I completely neglected to take any photographs. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder and get something for later this week. It’s a good place to walk, with an easy walk and a longer walk, depending on your ability. I took the shorter one and had some good chats.

Now, back to my list of what I do and don’t need for my next trip! Food is off the list as I’m having lunch with someone, and checking bike tyres needs to be on it as it will save me getting bus fares at each end of the trip.

See you soon!

Categories: Church Event, Life, observations, Travel | Leave a comment

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