Monthly Archives: March 2010

She don’t work there anymore

Yes, it’s corruption of a Roxette song. It’s also true.

I have now worked my last shift and I’m now redundant. It doesn’t feel pretty. It feels like it’s Friday, except it’s not. It’s sinking in now that there’s a large group of my friends that I’ll not work with again, not go out on a payday night out with again. I already regret not taking more pictures. I regret not getting to know people better. I already miss those people dreadfully. It’s only been 3 hours since I last spoke with them, and I hate that I’ll not speak with most of them face to face again.

It’s been a turbulent time; I suppose you’ve probably guessed that already. 10 days ago we were given our final payslips and P45 forms, we went out 4 days ago for a last hurrah meal and drink, and today we had a potluck style buffet lunch. Not much happened this afternoon, most people were walking around talking, exchanging phone numbers and email addresses and home addresses and similar contact methods.

It’s been hard to watch the leadership team have to make the decisions regarding who stays and who goes, and have to tell people who have become friends that their job is becoming redundant and that they will leave on such a day. I feel awful for them now. They aren’t the board, they were caught in the middle; and now they have to go to work tomorrow and see most of the staff who went to work on Monday aren’t there, and won’t be there ever again. It’s the end of an era and I hate to see it pass. I hate how it’s making me feel and I hate how it’s making my friends feel.

On to the future. I’m moving house, so posting may stay sporadic for a while until my web connection is sorted and I’ve got the new flat (apartment, sorry, I have to be posh about this!) straightened out and the cats calmed down again. I’ll be nearer my parents and siblings again, living not that far from where I went to school.

I need to whip my CV into shape and look for another job. In an ideal world I’d have sorted it weeks ago, but with losing Dan I just couldn’t contemplate it, so I now have to whip it into shape as soon as the house is straight and I have ink in the printer to print them out and send them off.

Looking for work, hah! I need to finish packing first! I’m on the 7 day countdown now, with Easter in the middle and I’m nothing like finished. I’m almost certainly not going away over Easter. Think there might be a bit of midnight oil burned on this one somehow. I’m determined to be out on time and into the new one and keys handed back on time.

On which note… Take care!

Categories: Hope, Life, observations, Plans | Leave a comment

Changes still going on

I’ve been quiet for some time now. It not that nothing has happened, far from it: lots of things are happening.

My job finally comes to an end the week after next, and about a week after that I’m moving house, so may be offline for a while as the services are sorted out. Once I’m moved, I have to join the race for a new job before my funds run out.

I managed to find a flat that’s just right for me and my cats, I’ll try and post some photos after I move and am tidy, but we’ll see.

The big thing – the elephant in the room, I suppose you could call it, is Dan. I’m still fighting to deal with losing him, the sheer suddenness of it all. The tragedy of a life as full as his cut short so abruptly. I do crash on a regular basis, sometimes daily, sometimes I can hold it together for several days at a time; but the result is generally the same. I just sit or curl up and sob out the latest batch of pain and then for a while the world returns to colour vision, until the next trigger.

On the point of triggers, I don’t try to avoid them, or I’d be running all my life; but then neither do I try to track them down. This coming to terms has to happen at a natural pace and I have to deal with each thing that makes me cry one at a time.

The packing is giving me a focus for coping. Another one is my blipfoto journal. Taking a picture a day and trying not to leave any gaps. One other thing that I “sort-of” knew about already is exercise. I walk or bike most days and it seems to help me work out life, or at least calm down again.

Take care.

Categories: Dan, Hope, Life, observations, Plans | Leave a comment

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