Monthly Archives: February 2009

Midnight teabreak

Have you ever gone outside at three in the morning? Most people don’t by simple virtue of the fact that they are asleep, or if they do it’s because it is Saturday morning and they have spent the evening washing away the horrors of a week at work.

However. I took my Big Mug Of Tea outside for my 3am teabreak (the joys of nightshift) and was astounded all over again but how lovely it is to be outside when no one else is. There’s a quietness, peace I think is more the word I’m after here.

Navy blue sky because at this time of year it’s not anything like light yet. A light breeze just to freshen the face that could have been sent exactly on purpose, a couple of rabbits grazing (is that the right word for rabbits?) not far away, and most important of all, no one else! It was beautiful, just felt like everything was resting, there was no stress and it was fine to relax for a few minutes.

This is not a new idea to me to be honest. I am a night owl and have been for many years. The best nights are the clear ones with not much wind, where you can go outside and sit in your garden chair with your tea or coffee and just what the stars do their thing while you watch.

I really enjoy the wildlife too, sometimes I’ll see our local fox patroling his beat, sometimes it’ll be the owl from the allotments letting everyone know he’s around, once in a while I’ll see a bat, and if I’m really late (or early) I’ll hear the birds tuning up for the morning.

It really is a special time of day, the middle of the night, kind of sacred to night owls like me and to nature by simple virtue of the fact that everyone else is in bed.

One final thing, do go out and watch the stars some night soon, they are something else!

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The Journey

I’ve been working at losing weight for over a year now. In fact, if I’m honest, I’ve been fighting with my weight for years. I’d lose a few pounds, lose one or two more, and stop there before gaining again.

So I’d start comfort eating to forget how miserable I was and you’ve guessed it – I’d gain again!

Finally, at some six and a half stone overweight, a friend suggested I read “French Women Don’t Get Fat” and that saved me. She told me that I could eat anything I wanted – in moderation. She told me it was important to get moving, get exercise, use the stairs, drink plenty of water.

In 18 months I’ve lost two and a half stone, a dress size and a half (from 20-22 down to 16-18); and the weight continues to come off, and it feels like no effort at all.

Mind you, when I look back to what I used to eat, I have made some big changes. I bake bread rather than buying it (it’s cheaper to bake it as well). I’ve stopped buying biscuits and cakes, if I want to eat something of this nature, I’ll bake it, and chances are it’ll be better for me. I went from sugar to sweetner. I stopped buying crisps routinely – if I really want a bag of crisps, I’ll buy one and eat them, but no more multipacks. Likewise chocolate. I still eat it, but I don’t buy it and keep it in the house; however, drinking chocolate is readily available and if I really need a fast chocolate fix, that’s what I have.

A large part of my origninal problem was that I was unhappy and I was comfort eating without realising. When I did finally find out what I was doing I was able to deal with the emotional pain and hunger and as a result the block on the ability to lose phyisical weight dissppeared.

I did have a series of blood tests to rule out any illnesses, and they all came back clear. I was offered medication, but had to lose some weight by myself first, to prove that I wanted to do it. By the time I’d done that I didn’t want medication “because it won’t help me learn good habits really, will it?”

Posting on You Can Do It Diet Support was a great help too. Help, support, advice, and a public place to record whether I’d lost or gained that week!

I think I’ll step off the soapbox now, before I fall off! Have a great week people!

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Spring is on the way

I found crocusses in the garden!

I was out in the garden the other morning, and I saw them flowering. I was a bit stunned to be honest; I thought the freezing conditions might have put paid to the early spring bulbs, but they were there and they were flowering in their multicoloured glory.

I think I was on a bit of a downer the other day; nothing seemed to be OK at all. All I wanted to do was sleep and read and maybe eat something. Well I slept for hours and finally I think I cracked it and so having slept, I washed up and baked! Get me!

Now, I am working nights right now, and I really should be going to bed, but I can see a whole load of positive things, so i wanted to note them before I get in the bath and go to bed.

Flowers in the garden,
Light mornings – it hasn’t been totally dark coming home from work
Sleeping properly at night
Desire to bake (and acting on it too, the gingerbread was as good as it should have been!)
A shiny new future; that actually my present can’t mess up, no matter how it might want to!
Continuing weight loss – I’m now down 32lb from January 2008

As Louis Armstrong put it, “and I think to myself, what a wonderful world”

Take care, and when the sun comes out, wear shades!

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In the quest to understand "me"

32 years later, I still don’t “get” me.

I love people, and helping people, and anything I do that will benefit someone else gets done really well; but when it comes to something for me, forget it! I can cook, and I suspect the only reason I do that well, is that Like it or not, I have to eat.

Before I continue here, let me state, I’m certain I’m not depressed.

My home is a bombsite. It’s only truly tidy when someone’s coming to visit and returns to it’s bombsite status within a week.

My garden? well, apart from when I sit in it in summer, it’s an overgrown weedpatch, and even in summer the barest miminium gets done.

Am I an oddity, or do other people feel this way too? I’m just thoroughly confused as to how I can work myself to the bone caring for people and yet not be able to do things that mean I’m caring for me.

Got to go to work now, but this has been pestering at me all weekend. I want to understand myself a bit better, do things that will benefit me and not just because someone else needs it done.

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