Monthly Archives: December 2010

Resolutions

I have a few traditions, on of them is writing up here what I’d like to do next year. I remember the plans I had this time last year, all the things I thought I was going to do, the happiness. It’s hard to believe that the plans I had made were changed completely within weeks of posting them up.

What I’d like from this year just happens to be a little simpler than before. I want to make a habit of looking after myself properly. I tend to skim on things a bit, “why bother, no one will notice”. So, I’m going to take care of myself, boost my self esteem and self respect.

My big plans for the year include going away alone for a few days several times. I used to take camping holidays lasting from four to ten days and just use the time to relax and collect my thoughts. I’m going to do that again. At least two breaks, and hopefully to different places each time, although obviously I do have a favourite place to go.

I shall certainly be continuing my weight loss, I consider it to be part of my self respect mission, respecting myself enough to reduce my weight to a healthy range.

I could sit here and wish for a quiet year but I doubt I’ll get one, not as part of the Jesus army anyway (and I plan to be as active with the Church as I can, shifts at work permitting).

It seems I’ve run out of things to say for now. Among other things I seem to be craving sleep, so I shall indulge that whim for tonight at any rate.

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Categories: Food, Life, observations, Plans, Travel | Leave a comment

A different kind of Christmas

Today has been a first. I’ve never done paid work on Christmas day before, but today not only did I work, I worked 12 hours.

I wasn’t sure how it would be, maybe painted on smiles, a bit tense, fretting about all sorts of ifs and buts. Nothing like it. We had a fantastic day and even had time to mess about in the snow after lunch (there is photographic evidence but not on my camera!)

So many families arrived bearing gifts and children and smiles. The home was busy and it was so good. It felt to me like as the day went on the place became more alive. Father Christmas arrived with a gift for each resident. They seemed to think he was someone on staff, but no one could remember his name if he was 😉

Anyway. Far from Christmas day being awful because I was working, I had a carol dedicated to me on national radio, I had a great time with the rest of my team and I had a gut-busting good lunch with it. Straight after lunch a group of nurses and carers ran outside and larked about in the snow and just relaxed and were silly together.

It’s not a massively long post tonight but I wanted to share how good the day has been. I didn’t have the time to stop and call friends and family but in a way it didn’t seem to matter. I’ll see a load of them tomorrow anyway and have another great day, but one that doesn’t start at 6am for a change.

Stay safe in the snow guys and have a great week this week.

Categories: Food, Fun Stuff | Leave a comment

Who knew?

This is about the time of year that I like to sit back and reflect on how my year has gone, what has happened and how I have changed.

I’m completely stunned by this year. So much has happened, and none of it has been what I expected this time last year. This time last year I was in the throes of baking a Christmas cake and cycling through ice and going off to spend ten days with Dan. I had a job that was coming to an end; and I was moving house, sorting a divorce and marrying the love of my life.

Less than a month after this year began the whole direction of my life changed. Dan passed away suddenly and quite unexpectedly (for me at least it was unexpected). I then had to deal with the fact that my job was still coming to an end and that the  home move I had planned would no longer happen, even though I knew I still wanted to move house, I had no idea where to or what on earth I would do about a job after that. Grief rips your legs from under you, no matter how strong you are. One of the pillars of my life was gone and I had to find a way to go on again. I had no real idea what I wanted to do, and only worked out where I wanted to live after a close family friend reminded me of plans that had started forming two years ago.

Trying to work and pack at the same time was hard. I was losing my job through no fault of my own and the home I had planned to move in to just wasn’t feasible any more (too far from mum and dad and Dan wasn’t there any more). Some of the people at work understood what was going on and were incredibly supportive of me. I will never forget those heartbreaking last weeks of being looked after by people that I might not meet up with again.

Things went from looking bleak to looking very bad indeed. Thrown in with the trials of moving into a new flat and dealing with all the stuff that comes with it (and lying on the living room floor crying on more than one occasion) came the deaths of my mother’s parents. More funerals, more loss, more grief.

Through all of this I was still looking for work. The queue at the Job Centre was out of the door during the first few weeks, and Wednesday morning was always a grim time, knowing that in spite of looking I hadn’t found the kind of work I knew I could do and would enjoy.

Finally, toward the end of summer I saw an advert for the kind of work I wanted, no training required as it would be given. Not too far from town, so I could cycle in. The pay was less than I had taken before but I expected that, it’s a different sector to the one I had been in. My CV got me an interview. That’s what CV’s are for, to get you in the door. The interview went well, and the location was pretty. An old building in a village, a bit of a dream for me.

So life seems to be improving again for me. I have a job I enjoy, I have a nice flat near the canal (must go down there soon, bet there are some lovely photos waiting to be taken!) I’m nearer my family than I have been for years and I’m able to attend Church on a reasonably regular basis, if not always to every event that I’d like to get to!

Who knew that so much could happen in a single year and that I would still be standing at the end of that year?

How do you say thank you when people have kept you going through all this? The words don’t seem enough; but if you recognise yourself in any of this know that I’ll never forget your kindness toward me.

Have a great Christmas everyone: I’ll be working so don’t try to ring!

Categories: Beginning, General, Life, observations | 1 Comment

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