With Deepest Sympathy

I can’t blog about what I have done this week without acknowledging the horrors of 13th November in Paris.

I’m angry over the fact that terrorists can take a faith and twist it so that they truly believe their violence has Divine approval. It does not.

Today I have candles burning in several windows as my personal sign that only light can drive out darkness and only love can destroy hatred.

I have faith in God, and as such I pray that the authorities do come up with an effective plan to stop this senseless violence once and for all.

To Paris, with love and tears and prayers, from Me xx

Categories: Fear, Hope, Life, observations, Rants | Leave a comment

Was I crazy?

I’m sitting in my living room on a week day. It’s rocking up to nine o’clock and I still haven’t had breakfast and I’m not contemplating rushing off to work.

I quit my job. In the current economic climate from almost all angles it seems a crazy thing to do, but I felt I had little choice. I get PMS with symptoms of depression and it was getting worse each time. I was working routinely 50% more hours than I had originally agreed to and I was exhausted.

Sitting here now I can tell you hand on heart that I enjoyed the work. In the future I may go back to a form of caring work but right now I’m still sleeping up to 12 hours a night trying to get rid of the sleep debt, and if I ever do return to caring it will not be for a company that asks 12 hour shifts of its staff. I could go on a real rant here but it wouldn’t help anything so I won’t.

On to now. I’m waiting to hear about another job I’ve applied for, I should hear today or tomorrow. I am a fully signed up member of Worriers Anonymous so right now trying not to bite nails, pace, cry, call a relative is the order of the day.

While I do that, maybe I can work out a way to wash hair that is attached to a painfully sunburned scalp. Everything else has calmed down but the head still hurts. Details of that belong in another post!

Categories: Fear, observations, Rants | Leave a comment

Been broken 2 years, no one’s come to fix it…

Well, that’s what all my neighbours have said, the drain cover was hanging off, some inebriated person could have broken an ankle on it.

Recently in the hot weather the sewer beneath blocked and so we had an overflow and the accompanying aroma, and still everyone said about how no one would come and fix it…

Odd how a call to the local water board got the blockage rodded the same day and the drain cover itself fixed in 2 weeks…

No, a drain doesn’t fix itself, and I doubt if the water board has enough staff to do inspections, but what stops people picking up a phone and reporting a hazard, particularly a health hazard like this one was?

Rant over, smell gone, life calm.

Categories: Life, observations, Rants | Leave a comment

Life in a flat

For the first time in my life I’m properly living in a flat, and I have to say I’m enjoying it. I wasn’t totally sure that I would, it seems a cramped way of doing things, that there is someone just upstairs when there wasn’t before. I thought it might be claustrophobic, but it isn’t at all.

Due to the fact that the block is built on a fairly steep hill, I’m actually the only flat on my floor, and I have my own external access that isn’t shared the way everyone else in the block has to.

There’s been a lot to do, I didn’t like the net curtains that were in the windows when I arrived, so I’ve been out and bought my own, I dislike all the curtains, so I’m working my way around the house making new ones (I’m not keen on the ready made ones I’ve seen and they are quite expensive for what you get). The furniture I had was barely serviceable, so I’ve done a combination of IKEA and charity shops and refitted the sitting room out so it works and I like the colours.

That start makes it sound wonderful, but actually it’s been something of a nightmare.I’m still dealing with my surging emotions over losing Dan. I haven’t been to a doctor yet, so no official counselling has been set up.

Only today have I been able to get back online, since my internet provider has not been the best at getting the equipment to me. Originally I would have been offline a week, and then I was going to have cable internet. The day before the install I had a knock on the door and a man for the company was on the doorstep saying that it was going to be physically impossible to get cable to my flat due to it’s location and the difficulty of running the cable to my house. So I had to call the provider and arrange to have a different set-up, which according to them would take 2 weeks to put in place. That brings us to 2 weeks ago. On that day what I actually got was a kind-of working telephone. The actual broadband equipment was coming in the post and would be up to another 7 days. On the 7th day nothing arrived, so I called again. According to the person on the phone, there was no record of my broadband or television equipment being sent out at all, so she would send it right away and it would take 3 – 5 days to arrive. 5 days later is today, and I have the broadband stuff, hence the blog post tonight, but the television is off since the set-top box wasn’t sent out! Less than impressed is something of an understatement, but sums up how I feel right now. I shall be contacting the customer services and making sure they realise just how badly I feel let down by this. It’s hampered my life as I normally live it in a very big way, but more importantly I’m supposed to be doing my job search online and I just couldn’t do that without my computer being on the internet. I couldn’t seem to get them to understand that.

That, I guess, is my big rant. There have been other things happening both good and bad but I really needed to get that off my chest. I’ll post more very soon, and I apologise for both the long wait between posts and the rant as soon as I returned!

Take care

Categories: Beginning, Life, Plans, Rants, Shopping | Leave a comment

More snow

It was lovely to have snow on my birthday, really it was. I had a lovely day and felt really special. I’ve had gifts that showed me that the giver had thought of what I’d like and shopped accordingly.

I even got a couple of texts from two people who know reminding me that it was snowing on the day I was born!

We had bucks fizz followed by a full English breakfast, and after a quiet but enjoyable day we went out and had a meal at an Italian restaurant, which was really nice.

The journey home was a bit of a nightmare, my train broke down, so I had to wait over an hour for the next and missed my connection, and only caught the next train to my destination by virtue of the fact that it had been delayed by 5 minutes.

I walked to work 3 days last week, and my hips and knees protested for the next 4 days, I really could do without any more snow now til spring, but no, there’s more falling as I type. Wonderful. Hopefully this batch will only be a thin layer and will melt away soon and leave is with the crocuses and snowdrops we like to see!

Now, right this minute, I’m going to collect a cup of coffee and hang up some clean washing, probably in the reverse order, but that’s next!

Take care and stay safe.

Categories: Food, Fun Stuff, Life, observations, Rants, Travel | 1 Comment

Bonfires and fireworks and friends.

At the end of a cold and damp week, Ted and Dan come down to Bedford to pick me up for the weekend. I only just got home in time because I thought I had time to make one final trip to Tesco before they arrived, and I did, but only just! We threw my bags of goodies including mulled wine in the car and left, just as it started to really rain! We made reasonable time and got back just after nine including stopping for chips on the way.

In the morning after bacon sandwiches, Dan and I washed up while Ted and Dee went shopping, and then we sat on the riverbank and watched the tide – until it started to rain! Dan managed to aquire a headache during the morning, so he was sent to bed with tea and paracetamol. Dee and I entered “major bonfire build mode” which entailed finding loads of scraps of wood and a few pallets and other bits, putting them together in a big heap and then packing them with newspaper, odd offcuts of wood and any other garden prunings we could lay our hands on.

Karen and Colin the neighbours came over with their firepit, Ted located and wiped off a load of garden chairs and set them on the bank ready – all while Dan slept off his headache! We got everything sorted just as the sun really started to go down, then went in to warm up and get ready for a big evening by the river.

Continue reading

Categories: Dan, Food, Fun Stuff, Life, Rants, Travel | Leave a comment

Was it worth it?

Bedford’s Mayor, Frank Branston, died recently. This sparked the need for an election to find a new mayor.

My question, maybe more of an issue, is this: how can I be sure that the person I just went out and voted for is actually going to deliver on what they’ve said will be their priorty? I can’t stand over them and crack a whip – no one would pay me to and I can’t do it for free.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve got a heightened sense of what I see as wrong or unfair at the moment. I’m not really sure to be honest, but my faith in politics is really being shaken and my general faith in human nature has taken a huge slap lately.

On the bright side, I got some grocery shopping done yesterday and this morning I’ve got some laundry out of the way. This is a pretty good sign, because if I can’t buy food and do laundry it’s next stop – anti depressants. Maybe the fact that the weather is stable is helping, I’m not totally sure.

I do have something proper to look forward to, Dan is coming for a long weekend. My house will get clean and tidy (always does when I’m expecting visitors I care about!) and I’ll actually find the energy to cook proper food again. Anyone else fancy dropping by? You might get met at the door with a duster and a cup of tea though!

Categories: Dan, Life, observations, Rants, Shopping | 1 Comment

Surging feelings

It’s been an odd week. I’ve been up and down so many times, not sleeping properly, almost depressed at times. It’s largely to do with having to face the reality of the fact that my job is actually going, and I have to get out there and find a new one. The knowledge is so hard to live with; sometimes it feels like physical pain. I often want to cry, and at the same time I feel that I can’t, that I have no right to.

Yesterday I got very low indeed, right down to tears; and then that Lily Allen song “it’s not fair” came on. For the first time I had to conclude that I agreed with Lily. It does feel unfair that so many of us have to lose our jobs because of someone else’s management choices and decisions, that so many of us struggle day to day now.

For those who have never been made redundant, it feels like a bereavement. I’ve had this job for eight years now and I’ve enjoyed doing it. I’ve worked with a huge variety of people and done wide variety of tasks within it. The day I heard the announcement I felt as though I’d been kicked in the stomach. Some of the people around me had to walk around the carpark to calm down after hearing the news, there was a fair bit of anger and disbelief, and a general feeling of betrayal all round.

I’ll get through this, I have to. After every funeral life continues and it will for me, but right now it is a bit hard to comprehend. I do have a loving and supportive family and a large and helpful circle of friends. I’ll find a new job and get a new set of colleagues and make more friends.

Categories: Life, observations, Rants | Leave a comment

A Very Long Friday

We had a very long day indeed on friday. We had to drop off our hire car before 10:30 in Helston which meant a fairly early breakfast and a fast packing of the van. Final checks of the cottage complete, we drove out to Helston and dropped the car, then on to Hayle to get pasties for lunch later and from there up the A30 past the 3 windfarms in Cornwall.

We took some time out in Devon to visit Glebe Cottage garden, the preserve of Carol Klein. Well, we had our pasty lunch, and then Dee and Ted went to look while Dan and I relaxed by the van in the sunshine. Continue reading

Categories: Dan, Food, Life, Rants, Travel | Leave a comment

I used to be a fan

Monday was an unmitigated disaster. Thank you Network Rail, and East Midlands Trains. Between you, you screwed up my entire day. A train journey that should have been one change and two and a half hours turned into a three and a half hour nightmare that made me late for work and tired beyond belief.

It started as a nice day. It was sunny, everyone was in a good temper, Ted got me to Lincoln train station with lots of time to spare. Going through the ticket barrier I was advised there was a signal failure on my route and I’d have to get a bus link from Nottingham to Leicester. Annoying but not major in itself. On arrival at Nottingham the station staff were helpful, pointing us straight away to the rail replacement bus, so there was no hanging around confused.

Except that the bus link took ages and I got impatient and forgot my suitcase when I got in to Loughborough and had to run back for it. Then once on the platform the train I was supposed to catch was late by over half an hour and was announced that it would only stop at Leicester and London. The system failure was so great that even the station staff could only say to keep listening for announcements. Continue reading

Categories: Dan, Life, observations, Rants, Travel | 1 Comment

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