Last week was pretty hectic. Starting with someone’s fatal road accident that prevented me from getting home one day, continuing through the first week of a New Friends course at Church, and ending with a busy weekend spend partly on the M6 and partly in Liverpool. It was good but I was Tired!
I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep and housework since then and it hasn’t been easy. Ever tried doing laundry with your eyes shut? Don’t. You’ll find that your best black trousers are staining a boil wash and your favourite white top is irretreivably ruined (not really but comes close!)
This evening I found myself in tears while a conversation about a friend’s new baby went on around me. A whole box of memories and emotions suddenly exploded inside my head and I had no defence against them. Over the meal two of my best friends managed to help me smile again and over the dishes some others had me laughing like a loon. It was good.
And then in the dark in the car it all came back. Six years of dealing with memories and laying things to rest was back in a moment and I was fighting the tears and painful memories again. Then the CD player kicked in, and it was a track about not being alone. I remembered the truth of some of the facts. Yes its been a hard road and yes there are scars but you know what? Not one inch of that road was walked alone. Not one moment of this horrible few years has been lived alone.
God has seen it all, cried through it all, walked with me through it all. I was never alone and that is why I’m doing as well as I am, I’m emotionally battered, true; but I could have given in to the pain and gone in a different and much worse direction.
God has taken many forms, the arms of brothers, sisters, parents, friends. Phone calls to and from people. Everything has meant a huge amount to me and no matter how small it was I know it helped me walk the next step.
Truly, I am blessed and grateful.