Monthly Archives: September 2011

Not one moment

Last week was pretty hectic. Starting with someone’s fatal road accident that prevented me from getting home one day, continuing through the first week of a New Friends course at Church, and ending with a busy weekend spend partly on the M6 and partly in Liverpool. It was good but I was Tired!

I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep and housework since then and it hasn’t been easy. Ever tried doing laundry with your eyes shut? Don’t. You’ll find that your best black trousers are staining a boil wash and your favourite white top is irretreivably ruined (not really but comes close!)

This evening I found myself in tears while a conversation about a friend’s new baby went on around me. A whole box of memories and emotions suddenly exploded inside my head and I had no defence against them. Over the meal two of my best friends managed to help me smile again and over the dishes some others had me laughing like a loon. It was good.

And then in the dark in the car it all came back. Six years of dealing with memories and laying things to rest was back in a moment and I was fighting the tears and painful memories again. Then the CD player kicked in, and it was a track about not being alone. I remembered the truth of some of the facts. Yes its been a hard road and yes there are scars but you know what? Not one inch of that road was walked alone. Not one moment of this horrible few years has been lived alone.

God has seen it all, cried through it all, walked with me through it all. I was never alone and that is why I’m doing as well as I am, I’m emotionally battered, true; but I could have given in to the pain and gone in a different and much worse direction.

God has taken many forms, the arms of brothers, sisters, parents, friends. Phone calls to and from people. Everything has meant a huge amount to me and no matter how small it was I know it helped me walk the next step.

Truly, I am blessed and grateful.

Advertisements
Categories: Church Event, Dan, Fear, Hope, Life, observations | Leave a comment

Nerd alert

I have a fascination for mountains, volcanoes, oceans, earthquakes, generally geology I suppose.

After Eyjafjallajökull went off last year in Iceland I was glued to the news, trying to learn as much as I could about a subject I love. Imagine my face when I found that Julia Bradbury had walked the Landmallalauger (goodness I hope I spelled that right!) Trail to the volcano itself. The BBC have put the documentary on several times since and every time I find it I want to watch nothing else!

The enormity of the landscape, the changes that are happening quickly there which happened millions of years ago here in England. It’s so incredible, makes me just stare and wish I could be there seeing it for myself rather than watching it on a screen. I feel hampered by my health in many ways, its something I think of doing and then think “but I can’t, my chest would never cope with climbing mountains” In actual fact I’ve never really tested it in mountains. Perhaps I should. Anyone fancy taking me hiking in Wales or Scotland?

The mountains I deal with at the moment tend to be along the lines of laundry, ironing, dishes, batch cooking, batch baking… the boringness that is my own housework that no one but me will see. Its a sad fact that I find it easier to iron someone else’s shirts and make someone else’s sandwiches than vacuum my own home and cook meals for myself.

Pack in the pity party miss and empty the bin before your lift to church bangs on your door. Oops, too late!

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Time

I’ve been pondering about time a lot lately.

There seems to be so little of it now. With all the technology available to us, I still struggle to get everything done and get enough rest.

I do feel sometimes that with all the advances we’ve made over time we have lost the ability to take time to be, to go with the natural rhythm of day and night and season. Am I the only one to feel this way? Somehow I suspect not.

I am reclaiming my time though, finding ways to do the things I want to do regardless of how full my time is. I’m also finding ways to simplify my lifestyle. Waste less time shopping is one thing I’ve achieved so far, it means I worry less and spend less money too, ideal really!

Knitting on the way to work means the projects I want to work on get done without my stressing about it. Napping on the way home makes for an easier evening!

Weary bones are crying out for rest now, so night all.

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Godspeed, Cyril

“If I should die and leave you here awhile,
Be not like other, sore undone, who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.
Complete those dear unfinished tasks of mine
And perchance I may therein comfort you.”

I do not know the author of this short piece, I don’t pretend I am clever enough to write something like this myself.

Cyril passed away recently and it was his funeral today. It was a standing room only affair, he was well loved in the church. The stories bought more than one laugh, and as expected, more than one tear.

I almost didn’t go at all. Mum is away caring for my cousins while their mother is in hospital, Marygrace had to take her son to hospital today. I was It as far as housework was going today and most of that wasn’t going to happen. Then my dad and Lee helped out, dad helped with dinner prep and Lee did a load of cleaning.

I was half an hour late and had to stand right at the very back. My feet were killing – its not every day I subject them to 3” heels. The wind had messed up my hair and the suit hadn’t been quite enough to keep the wind from chilling me and I was feeling pretty fed up.

Then I started listening. The stories of Cyril’s rebelling against the system, Cyril loving people, Cyril loving God, Cyril fighting on even when illness started slowing him down. The memorable thing that was said of him was that his fighting spirit was never more obvious than when he became really ill, he kept on keeping on long after many others would have given up.

Now I’m back from the funeral and the suit jacket should be back on the hanger but isn’t yet, but the dinner is done and I’m taking the chance to lie down in a quiet room with my sore feet and swollen ankles up, I’m glad I pushed through and went to say Godspeed. (Even if it did pelt down with rain at the committal!)

Its been a good day overall and about to be a good evening. I best change out of the rest of this suit though first!

Categories: Church Event, observations | Leave a comment

Now I get it

 I love weather and watching the seasons and the varying weather events that happen. As you can imagine, I’ve watched the arrival of the remnants of hurricane Katia with some interest.

It’s been pretty blustery all day today and I’ve gone from wanting to be outside non stop experiencing it to slightly worried about damage to trees and property. Mostly wanting to stand outside and enjoy it, which is a little difficult when you are trying to stir melting ingredients for flapjack!

It was all change on the work front again today. A few weeks age I was sent to help with sickness cover in one place and then a bit suddenly they decided everything was ok (after I’d been there a few weeks) and that someone else might need me more. It was a little unsettling but it’s turned out ok. The people I worked with on tuesday now get the pleasure of me on monday and the people I work with on thursday now also get me on tuesday. Get your head round that!

I am still very much loving the work and the people I work with and for. I still wish I could have done this years ago and missed out some of the pain of the last few years, but I know that I can’t see the bigger picture and I have to deal with what comes be it good or bad.

Categories: Food, General, observations | Leave a comment

Quiet Sunday in September

I’ve been doing normal sunday things today. Well kind of. I didn’t do much knitting and I was annoyed by that as I have projects I really want to get on with but can’t because this silly scarf is still on my pet pair of short needles. Rah.

I’ve been mentally preparing for the high winds expected tomorrow when the remnants of Hurricane Katia arrive tomorrow. I’m pretty sure it will be nowhere near hurricane force but we haven’t had serious wind that required met office warnings for years so I’m a bit bothered about it.

On the subject of knitting, I’ve just looked across the room and seen a completed project that needs to be washed and dried and mailed to its new owner. Talk about chasing tails.

There is one tiny fact that I noticed today. Someone else has begun calling me Rae. I really do like being called Rae, and I nearly hugged the person in question for doing it, except that they would probably have fallen over backward with surprise if I had. *short pause to picture the scene and chuckle*

I was proud of Stephen tonight, he did a really good job of speaking in the evening, all about the love of Jesus. He put his own angle on it and I thought it was great.

Categories: Church Event, Fun Stuff, Life, observations | Leave a comment

Normal Saturday, non normal weekend.

I’ve been mostly eating flapjack today, as one does having just make some for the first time (at home anyway – elsewhere is a different matter!)

Been a bit of a mix today, had a chilled out morning as normal, then went into town to pay some bills and it turns out that the only bank one of the bills can be paid into doesn’t open on a saturday. That kind of tells me that they will have to wait until I can sort out my own bank. Silly people.

It’s not all bad, I did achieve some knitting this morning without mistakes and my house is a lot cleaner now than it has been for a week, but given the amber weather alert we’ve had, the washing had to wait. I’m not risking my clothes flapping around the rooftops of some poor confused person in Skegness!

On a final rather sober note, while I know that a mass murderer was caught earlier this year, I know that the pain of loss doesn’t go. If you are hurting this weekend, you are in my heart. I pray that your pain lessens even as the memory of your loved one remains clear in your mind and heart.

Take care everyone.

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Amazing but gut wrenching

I read a book that I found at work today. The nature of what I do means I often find books I’ve never seen or not read before.

This one surprised me though. ” My dad died and its all God’s fault” is the story of a young boy’s journey through grief. It’s a heart rending read, it certainly was for me; it bought back some of my own pain. Maybe I needed to find it because I stood alone in that room sobbing, trying to read through my tears. This doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to now, so the fact that I sobbed my way from page to page kind of told me that there was more pain that I was ready to let go of. Tears I will never have to cry again were let flow today and behind them was a little more peace and understanding.

In other news, two of my friends are getting married tomorrow and part of the celebration will be at the house I worked at today so I was blitzing rooms to have them nice for  the wedding party and relations. It was nice to see the mothers of the bridal party chatting away together as they prepared food for the event. I won’t be at the celebration, but I wish them well and will congratulate them when Isee them together another day.

I’m huddled down in a blanket tonight, I want to knit but the only projects I have are a bit complex for my level of tiredness tonight, so maybe not! Oh yes, I did make myself some flapjack tonight, nice and simple. I’ve got to get to grips with this being nice to myself thing. I haven’t done it for ages!

Night peoples, a blanket is great but a bed will be warmer still!

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Daunting task

It’s a daunting task knowing where to start summing up what’s happened recently.

After I got home from the camping trip with Paul I plunged into the mammoth job of coping with being unemployed for unknown period of time. In the event it was only two weeks, but it was a pretty scary time. I knew I wanted to be a domestic assistant  with the church and I knew I was needed but a variety of people needed to approve a variety of things before I could start working.

In addition to all that I was burned out from the nursing home and I needed a scary number of early (and long) nights to cope.

I have also turned out to be wheat intolerant since leaving the home and I now suspect it developed while I was at the home; thinking back to how exhausted I was, the frequency of tummy upsets, the low mood, you name it. A good friend recommended that I try going wheat free, and within 3 or 4 days I felt dramatically better. Trying to eat wheat again more recently has made me feel as rough as I was before so although it looks like more hassle its actually better if I make the effort to avoid wheat.

I started working as the domestic assistant and immediately felt good about the job. Its still a fairly long day but generally I have energy when I get home where before I got home and fell into bed before the alarm could go for the next shift. I’m even finding the capacity to clean and tidy my own home again. I no longer live in a bomb site!

Knitting has continued apace (did I mention that I had returned to knitting?) and a whole variety of items are leaving my hands – along with the release of stress that comes from using my hands in simple repetitive movements.

Time to go. Good night!

Categories: Life, observations | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

asejohannessen49

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Attic24

live my life with me, see the world the way I see it

Skonkworks

Where Are We Going? Who Cares? Let’s Go.

Jesus Army Action

Taking Jesus to the people, anywhere, anytime.

COOKING ON A BOOTSTRAP

by Jack Monroe, bestselling author of 'A Girl Called Jack'

WordPress.com

WordPress.com is the best place for your personal blog or business site.