You know as well as I do why I feel compelled to write to you today. Simply put, I miss you.
I’m talking about you to CRUSE now. I wasn’t processing things at all. I went into shock when your dad rang me and didn’t cry for several days. Now it seems I still cry quite a lot but I remember far more readily the times we spent together.
I’ve learned in the last two years that I’m stronger than I thought I was, that the human heart can heal but that the memories never go. We went to all sorts of places; I still have the Castle Howard book you bought me, but what I remember most happily are the Sunday mornings on the river bank chatting in the sunshine watching the tide.
Going to Cornwall with you was fun, seeing it together. I still go, but I have returned to the campsite I used to visit before. I’m still sad that I could never have taken you there due to the cliffs.
I’ve done quite a lot in two years. I still blog of course, although not as often as I would like. I got a job in a nursing home, found it too stressful and got another as a domestic assistant which is less stressful and more fulfilling. I moved to Warwickshire. I started going for walks along the canal, it reminds me of the river. I need to do a bit more of that – I gained a lot of weight and need to lose it fairly quickly!
I hope you’re proud of me, I want you to be.
I don’t mind confessing that there are days when I desperately want to ring you up and talk through a stressy situation. I still have your number in my phone.
Some of the ladies you met through me have been incredibly supportive in the time (thought I’d better refer to them in case they shoot me…) and I’ve been brave and gone out and made other friends too.
All in all Dan, I do miss you. That will never change. I wanted to let you know that while the road is sometimes bumpy, I’m still walking along it and discovering what life has in store for me now. Thank you for being such a big part of my life, I couldn’t be who I am now if it wasn’t for you.
All my love.