Who knew?

This is about the time of year that I like to sit back and reflect on how my year has gone, what has happened and how I have changed.

I’m completely stunned by this year. So much has happened, and none of it has been what I expected this time last year. This time last year I was in the throes of baking a Christmas cake and cycling through ice and going off to spend ten days with Dan. I had a job that was coming to an end; and I was moving house, sorting a divorce and marrying the love of my life.

Less than a month after this year began the whole direction of my life changed. Dan passed away suddenly and quite unexpectedly (for me at least it was unexpected). I then had to deal with the fact that my job was still coming to an end and that the  home move I had planned would no longer happen, even though I knew I still wanted to move house, I had no idea where to or what on earth I would do about a job after that. Grief rips your legs from under you, no matter how strong you are. One of the pillars of my life was gone and I had to find a way to go on again. I had no real idea what I wanted to do, and only worked out where I wanted to live after a close family friend reminded me of plans that had started forming two years ago.

Trying to work and pack at the same time was hard. I was losing my job through no fault of my own and the home I had planned to move in to just wasn’t feasible any more (too far from mum and dad and Dan wasn’t there any more). Some of the people at work understood what was going on and were incredibly supportive of me. I will never forget those heartbreaking last weeks of being looked after by people that I might not meet up with again.

Things went from looking bleak to looking very bad indeed. Thrown in with the trials of moving into a new flat and dealing with all the stuff that comes with it (and lying on the living room floor crying on more than one occasion) came the deaths of my mother’s parents. More funerals, more loss, more grief.

Through all of this I was still looking for work. The queue at the Job Centre was out of the door during the first few weeks, and Wednesday morning was always a grim time, knowing that in spite of looking I hadn’t found the kind of work I knew I could do and would enjoy.

Finally, toward the end of summer I saw an advert for the kind of work I wanted, no training required as it would be given. Not too far from town, so I could cycle in. The pay was less than I had taken before but I expected that, it’s a different sector to the one I had been in. My CV got me an interview. That’s what CV’s are for, to get you in the door. The interview went well, and the location was pretty. An old building in a village, a bit of a dream for me.

So life seems to be improving again for me. I have a job I enjoy, I have a nice flat near the canal (must go down there soon, bet there are some lovely photos waiting to be taken!) I’m nearer my family than I have been for years and I’m able to attend Church on a reasonably regular basis, if not always to every event that I’d like to get to!

Who knew that so much could happen in a single year and that I would still be standing at the end of that year?

How do you say thank you when people have kept you going through all this? The words don’t seem enough; but if you recognise yourself in any of this know that I’ll never forget your kindness toward me.

Have a great Christmas everyone: I’ll be working so don’t try to ring!

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Categories: Beginning, General, Life, observations | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Who knew?

  1. Beckie

    Hello darling.
    I’m glad to have been able to stand by you in some of what you’ve gone though this year and I’d do it again at the drop of a hat.
    I had a revelation on Thursday last week. I was watching the sea and the waves rolling in. I thought of the song that talks of “when sorrows like sea billows roll” and I thought of Grandma and Grandad and Dan and you and how this year does feel a little like the song. Then I looked at the wooden groin that I was standing on and how it ran out into the sea and how it had been sanded down by the waves crashing over it. It was rounded and beautiful, not sharp and new looking, but weathered and worthy of a beautiful photograph and memory.
    We’re not wooden, but sorrows do shape us, as do joys. Perhaps in the awful year that we’ve just passed God has had some chance to shape us and make us more rounded – perhaps a bit more beautiful on the inside, like Him.
    But all that aside, the fact that you are standing shows that you are stronger than ever you thought you were, resiliant in ways you never would have guessed and have a core of iron wrought in the furnace. I’m proud to call you my sister and I love you dearly. x

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