I’ve been quiet for some time now. It not that nothing has happened, far from it: lots of things are happening.
My job finally comes to an end the week after next, and about a week after that I’m moving house, so may be offline for a while as the services are sorted out. Once I’m moved, I have to join the race for a new job before my funds run out.
I managed to find a flat that’s just right for me and my cats, I’ll try and post some photos after I move and am tidy, but we’ll see.
The big thing – the elephant in the room, I suppose you could call it, is Dan. I’m still fighting to deal with losing him, the sheer suddenness of it all. The tragedy of a life as full as his cut short so abruptly. I do crash on a regular basis, sometimes daily, sometimes I can hold it together for several days at a time; but the result is generally the same. I just sit or curl up and sob out the latest batch of pain and then for a while the world returns to colour vision, until the next trigger.
On the point of triggers, I don’t try to avoid them, or I’d be running all my life; but then neither do I try to track them down. This coming to terms has to happen at a natural pace and I have to deal with each thing that makes me cry one at a time.
The packing is giving me a focus for coping. Another one is my blipfoto journal. Taking a picture a day and trying not to leave any gaps. One other thing that I “sort-of” knew about already is exercise. I walk or bike most days and it seems to help me work out life, or at least calm down again.