There’s a song I used to sing at primary school that had that line in it. For the life of me I can’t remember any more of it than that right now but I think it fits how I feel right now.
I expect you’re probably aware that I had a crisis yesterday. I was up from 5am to catch the train to see Dan and the night before that I’d cycled miles to pick up my train tickets through the rain in the dark and the rush hour and dealt with beggars who approach people (note to potential beggars – don’t bother, I’ll yell at you or call the police) and ticket machines that didn’t want to work when the rest of the world (and me) are all in a hurry to be somewhere else because it’s friday night. Then I had a monster of a curry before packing my case and getting to bed just before midnight.
A short night followed by a long train trip and the day around Dan’s family coupled with not being able to forget about the stress at work left me very tired and tearful in the evening. I’m really sorry to Dan, all he wanted was to go to sleep and all I could do was lie there crying; and he had to calm me down before either of us could sleep.
Today I can see again. I know there’s nothing I can do, simply to look forward and prepare for life to continue. What’s happened has happened, I’ve been happy but that time is coming to an end and I must move forward to the next stage of my life and not hold regrets or anger over what has happened recently. I don’t need this time of change to be clouded with depression and I know that could so easily happen if I let it.
As a bit of a non sequitur, we’ve been watching the Grand Prix Snooker final today, in between breaks for tea and the toilet; and it’s been amazing to watch. My favourite to win was knocked out of the semi finals so I have no favourite in the final, and it’s given me a neutral view of this match that is actually letting me enjoy the game.