It’s been an odd week. I’ve been up and down so many times, not sleeping properly, almost depressed at times. It’s largely to do with having to face the reality of the fact that my job is actually going, and I have to get out there and find a new one. The knowledge is so hard to live with; sometimes it feels like physical pain. I often want to cry, and at the same time I feel that I can’t, that I have no right to.
Yesterday I got very low indeed, right down to tears; and then that Lily Allen song “it’s not fair” came on. For the first time I had to conclude that I agreed with Lily. It does feel unfair that so many of us have to lose our jobs because of someone else’s management choices and decisions, that so many of us struggle day to day now.
For those who have never been made redundant, it feels like a bereavement. I’ve had this job for eight years now and I’ve enjoyed doing it. I’ve worked with a huge variety of people and done wide variety of tasks within it. The day I heard the announcement I felt as though I’d been kicked in the stomach. Some of the people around me had to walk around the carpark to calm down after hearing the news, there was a fair bit of anger and disbelief, and a general feeling of betrayal all round.
I’ll get through this, I have to. After every funeral life continues and it will for me, but right now it is a bit hard to comprehend. I do have a loving and supportive family and a large and helpful circle of friends. I’ll find a new job and get a new set of colleagues and make more friends.